This Golden Hour

85. Janeen Alley and Becoming the CEO of Your Life

• Timothy Eaton

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In today’s episode, we get to spend time with Janeen Alley from Colorado. Janeen is a homeschooling mother of four, a resilience and self-trust coach for women,and the host of the 'Becoming the CEO of Your Life' podcast. We talk about Janeen’s homeschooling journey from Japan to Germany to the USA, her transition to resilience coaching, and the importance of self-care for homeschooling parents. She recounts her experiences, challenges, and the values she holds dear in both parenting and education. Janeen also provides insights on setting boundaries, the significance of mentorship, and the path of learning alongside your children.

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Janeen Alley:

And I was very resistant to the idea. I am not somebody who I felt like fit the mold in my mind of what a homeschool mom would look like. I was looking forward to my youngest being in kindergarten so that I have time to do whatever the heck I wanted, I had plans and that homeschooling was not in that. Vision at all. And I just kept getting the nudge to homeschool

Timmy Eaton:

Hi, I'm Timmy Eaton, homeschool father of six and doctor of education. We've been homeschooling for more than 15 years and have watched our children go from birth to university successfully and completely without the school system. Homeschooling has grown tremendously in recent years and tons of parents are becoming interested in trying it out. But people have questions and concerns and misconceptions and lack the confidence to get started. New and seasoned homeschoolers are looking for more knowledge and peace and assurance to continue homeschooling. The guests and discussions on this podcast will empower anyone thinking of homeschooling to bring their kids home and start homeschooling. And homeschoolers at all stages of the journey will get what they need and want from these conversations. Thank you for joining us today and enjoy this episode of this Golden Hour Podcast as you exercise, drive, clean, or just chill. You're listening to this golden hour podcast. In today's episode, we get to spend time with Janine Alley from Colorado. Janine is a homeschooling mother of four, a resilience and self trust coach for women, and the host of the becoming the CEO of your life podcast. We talk about Janine's homeschooling journey from Japan to Germany, to the USA, her transition to resilience coaching, and the importance of self care for homeschooling parents. She recounts her experiences, challenges, and the values she holds dear. In both parenting and education, Janine also provides insights on setting boundaries, the significance of mentorship, and the path of learning alongside your children. Welcome back to this Golden Hour podcast. Today we have with us Janine Alley from Denver, Colorado. Thank you Janine for being with us.

Janeen Alley:

You're welcome. Super excited to be here.

Timmy Eaton:

This is awesome. So let me give a little intro and then you carry on with it as much as you want to say. Janine Alley is the creator and the host of Becoming the CEO of Your Life podcast. Janinealley. com is where we can find everything on her. She helps women in particular cultivate unwavering self trust and embody their aligned message. To thrive and play a bigger game. She's also a self trust and resilience coach for women visionaries. And so I thought for my audience, this would be perfect for many homeschool mothers. So again, thank you for being with us. I know you're a mother of four, and so you have lots of experience and tell us what else you would add to your bio.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. I have four kids. I homeschool from 2011 to 2023. So that part of my life, I just, I long for it some days.

Timmy Eaton:

Yes.

Janeen Alley:

Part of my life I have moved on from, but the homeschooling definitely holds a special place in my heart. And so many of the things that I do today with my business and the women that I help have come because I homeschooled my kids and the vision that I had from that experience bled over into what I do today.

Timmy Eaton:

I remember you saying that when we chatted last week you had quite, a few of the people that you work with were or are homeschool mothers.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah, I would say, I talk about that on the podcast and so I naturally I think people just gravitated towards me because I talked about it. And yeah, I would say maybe 20 percent of the clients that I worked with have been homeschooling moms.

Timmy Eaton:

Wow. That's a lot. Yeah, it

Janeen Alley:

is. And I have to

Timmy Eaton:

tell like my audience that I just interviewed Denny Burton, who I knew personally, and then he and I have crossed paths so many times over the years. But he's the one who we were talking after our interview a few weeks ago, and he is the one who suggested he and Janine met

Janeen Alley:

we met in the Netherlands. Yeah. When he was on his mission there, he was in our ward. We lived in Germany. My husband serves in the air force. Currently he's a dentist at the Academy

Timmy Eaton:

currently.

Janeen Alley:

And so he was working over there at a NATO base. And then he was in the Netherlands and he was in our ward. He was a fantastic missionary. He's a fantastic human being. We just loved it so much.

Timmy Eaton:

He is, and I have no doubt that he was fantastic at whatever he does. That's cool. Let's let's jump into maybe a few homeschool questions. And like you said, 2011, so how did you get into it? What was your first exposure? And maybe even talk a little bit about like your preconceptions about what homeschooling was or what type of people did it and that kind of stuff.

Janeen Alley:

So I got the impression to homeschool my kids in the end of 2010, I'm guessing it was probably six to eight months before we started homeschooling. And I was very resistant to the idea. I am not somebody who I felt like fit the mold in my mind of what a homeschool mom would look like. I was looking forward to my youngest being in kindergarten so that I have time to do whatever the heck I wanted, I had plans and that homeschooling was not in that. Vision at all. And I just kept getting the nudge to homeschool. I had a friend who was a dear friend of mine. She's still actually a very dear friend today. We work together and some of the things that we do, but, she was my neighbor when we were stationed together in Japan and she had put a little plug in for Thomas Jefferson education. And I started Reading about Thomas Jefferson education. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Wow. It answered a lot of the questions that I had about my children's education at the time. My oldest was in second grade. And I felt like for myself, there were a lot of holes in my education. And I know that you never can learn everything there is to know. I don't really feel like I really understood how to learn until I was in college. And I just, conversations that I had with my parents. I'm like, yeah I can't keep up with you guys. So much. And I just didn't feel like I was receiving that kind of education. And homeschooling was a way for me to be like, Oh, okay. This is really cool. Cause. The thing that really captured my attention with that is teaching my children how to learn and how to educate themselves so that they could become lifelong learners. That was a value that I had that I held really dear. And so that was what resonated with me. And it was funny because in the process we moved in the end of. I guess the summer of 2011 to Germany and I just didn't register my kids for school. And so I remember the very first day of school, all the other kids were going to the international school there, which had rave reviews. And I was just like, sitting there, my kids just didn't get on the bus. That's that is how I started. I guess we're doing this because they didn't get on the bus. And so I had four years in, in Germany to figure that out. And that was a really trying time. So your oldest would have been in

Timmy Eaton:

third grade at that time.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. So Thomas was in third grade. So my children are pretty close together. They're six and a half years apart. So Thomas was. I was nine and Emma was two or six and a half years. So yeah, roughly about those ages. And so yeah, so I was with these little kids and I was trying to figure out and make my way and being in Germany back then, we lived in a very rural area. We had dial up speed internet, it was just, it was really challenging for a lot of reasons and homeschooling is. Is illegal in Germany and in the Netherlands. So when I take my kids with me to the market in the middle of day, I'd get all kinds of questions about why my kids were at a school and judgmental looks and things that I was very insecure at that time in my homeschooling experience. It was so

Timmy Eaton:

new to you. Yeah.

Janeen Alley:

I just didn't really know what I was doing and I didn't have a, I didn't have a group. I was just trying to figure things out. But the thing that I will say that helps me out a lot is. I just never gave up on trying to figure it out, reading books and getting as much information as I could possibly get my hands on and taking my kids to the library multiple times a week. Those are the types of things that really helped me during that time.

Timmy Eaton:

Wow, I appreciate all that you just said so like I want to just take a few of those things because I'm interested in like you said one of the values was that you wanted them to learn how to learn and I would you when You said like it wasn't until college I would say the same thing like I had I would say that I had a I went to a school in the suburbs of Chicago that I would say was probably a higher end academic school. And I'm, and I had a good experience. It was fine, but I don't feel like that. I was actually started to learn how to learn. And I'm sure that's common until the college years. And then even after that. And so how did that value come to you? Like you said, I want, I wanted them for sure. What was clear to you was that you wanted them to be lifelong learners. Like, where did that come from? Why did you have that value?

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. I can just tell you my experience of gaining that and then see how that unfolds. So I went to BYU and my junior year or so, maybe it was my sophomore year. I took anatomy at BYU and I just loved the material like so much so that I wanted to be a teaching assistant. And so I applied for the job, I got the job and then I was supposed to teach the class. I was supposed to do review sessions and I'm like. Oh, my gosh. I don't know if I know this well enough to do that, but I just, I was determined to give my best. And it was the very first textbook that I read cover to cover. And I just took voracious notes about it. And my mom is an educator. My dad's a physician. He does a lot of teaching. And so I, I asked them questions to help facilitate that. And I felt like. It was an amazing experience. I just love anatomy and physiology and I still use it all the time today. And it was because I just poured my heart and soul into that experience. I teach yoga and so it comes up all of the time now. And anyway, because of that, it was a stark contrast in my mind between like really owning and understanding content where I could teach it Yeah. Versus just learning something to regurgitate it back onto an exam and then forget about it. My husband will even tell you today, if you want to know anything and he's a dentist, so you're like, if you want to know anything about the body, you should ask your mom. So I just feel like. You really embrace that and really understand it. It just becomes so much more fun. It becomes like fire, just really exciting. And I wanted my kids to have that experience throughout their educational journey and throughout their lives, because it just makes life so much more rich and so much more deep. Like you can keep up in conversations, you can add things and you can see we're pockets of, Where you can serve better because you understand what's going on in the world around you so much better than just like learning things On a surface level and so there's just so much I can say about that. Yes. Yeah

Timmy Eaton:

And I mean what I take from that is that it was through basically conversion through personal experience like You experienced that on your own. And by the way, there seems to be a common theme in your life of like baptism by fire. Cause that experience being a TA and then, or an assistant and then getting into homeschooling on your website, it talks about. One of the things that you teach for, if I remember going through your website was that you said you have to just jump in, like you can't be reticent. You have to just jump in. And if you're going to really enhance self trust, you gotta jump into it. And then the other thing I wonder, cause you had mentioned, and you just said this, Totally naturally was that you said your parents, you just noticed that they just knew so much. And so I take from that, that you probably had a good example of learning and how to learn. And so that's cool. And that carried over and then led to that decision. So when you were first starting, then when you, like, when you moved to Germany, where did you get materials and stuff? You said you were going to the library, but how did you learn and did you keep in touch with that lady from Japan or how did you, who was mentoring you through all this?

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. So my friend, Julie, she was my neighbor. She was the one who introduced me to Thomas Jefferson education. And so I would periodically talk with her on the phone, but the time difference made that tricky. And I was learning a lot through her. So she would go to workshops and, weekend events and things. And I'd be like, okay, tell me everything that you learned, and I would just glean from her. Like she would

Timmy Eaton:

do that in Japan?

Janeen Alley:

No, she, at the time was back in the States. There was a big time difference, but we made it work.

Timmy Eaton:

Gotcha.

Janeen Alley:

So one of the people that really inspired her was a woman named Angela Baker. And she had taken a bunch of notes through Angela's seminar and what she was teaching and sharing. And I reached out personally to Angie and I said, can you please mentor me? I have no idea what I'm doing. I was about. 18 months into homeschooling and I still felt like a fish out of water with it. I kind of joke. There was a lot of things that were also going on at the same time. Germany was a really challenging move for me. I mentioned we moved to a really rural area and so I felt very isolated. I started homeschooling, the weather was really challenging for me. I didn't realize how far north Germany is. It's almost the same latitude as Juneau, Alaska. And I realized when I moved there that I struggled with seasonal affective disorder or seasonal depression. And so that was also something I was battling. I didn't want to get out of bed during the day, not something you can do when you got Home, but there was a lot of things that were happening at the same time that I was struggling to, to rise above and come out on top of, and so reaching out to Angie was a serious lifeline for me just because she helped me not only And the direction I was going with homeschooling, but also to feel like, this is imperfect. It's an imperfect process and you never arrive. And that for me, like hearing somebody say that, particularly with the experience that she had, I was like, Oh, okay.

Timmy Eaton:

Yeah. It takes the pressure off.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. It's just I didn't have to do it perfectly. And my kids were going to be okay. Yeah. I kept thinking to myself, I'm going to ruin them, and that's never the case. And if you just show up and you're giving your best you're figuring out together and they see. I think there's so much value in your children seeing that and being with you and understanding that they can apply that to their own education and their own lives.

Timmy Eaton:

Yes. And like, when did you actually start believing that? Can you remember when you started believing? Cause what you just said is so commonly said in these interviews am I going to ruin them? And that's why we started this podcast. My, my wife and I had the idea because. We've seen two kids go all the way through a third kid's about to finish. And it's just it works out. And we feel so confident to tell homeschool families that, but it is like a question mark for a while. So do you remember when that kind of shifted for you where you're like, no, dude, this is gonna, this is gonna work out.

Janeen Alley:

I think that experience with Angie really helped me soften into that. Although it was a process and it was a journey to get there. I think once we moved back to the States after we had lived in Germany for about four years I felt pretty confident and I joined a group here and I jumped right into mentoring. And so I don't think I had any of those reservations after that period of time, but yeah, it took a while and it took. It took some time to unravel all of that. But, I think part of that was also my experience in overcoming the feelings of depression and anxiety that I had at the same time. Cause I was doing a lot of fitness and wellness things to try to help myself to feel better and making that a priority. At the same time, I was homeschooling my kids, and just trusting myself. Like this is something that is important to me. I know how I feel when I'm not doing these things and that's not an option for me anymore. And that was really where that self trust piece started to develop. And so I think with that whole experience that it helped me to feel like it's okay. Like the imperfect journey is. Is just fine. And it's just right. It

Timmy Eaton:

really is. Like I, I call it a lot of times I call it the economy of the home. Like the economy of the home is enough, really that exposure and just the natural movements of the home is enough to to render our children educated and ready. And, but it's hard to. Feel that's true until you've actually experienced it. So when you look back to yourself there, when you were 18 months in and you reached out to Angie, like when you, if you were to, talk to yourself then right now, looking back, what would you tell yourself in your own words, what would you tell yourself from the vantage point that you have at, the present?

Janeen Alley:

First of all I can't overstate the value of how important it is to be with mentors and people who understand what it is that you're trying to do and have the same vision and usually a stronger, more developed, and concrete vision than sometimes you might think. I know that I felt that way when I was 18 months. And it's like, all right, I, there's a lot of hope here and there's not a lot of concrete evidence yet and what it is that I'm trying to create. And so I think that is so valuable and even if working with somebody one on one to help you to anchor yourself in those convictions and in the messages that you feel are coming through to you, that those things are going to be okay. And another thing that I would say is there's a million different ways to be a parent. There's a million different ways to homeschool your kids. And you want to really focus on the things that bring you joy in that process. Because, I used to just turn on music and dance with my kids. And that, that was something that was part of our experience because I love music. I love movement and that's not what people do. Not everybody is doing things like that, but that was what felt good to me. And so it was one of the things that we did that was a little bit, for sure. Unconventional, and so I just really. embrace that because that is who I am. And so I think that's one thing to keep in mind is there's no need to compare. You just do what feels good, what feels natural, what brings you joy and lights your fire. And That will help you to have a really great experience as well as your kids to have a good experience, too.

Timmy Eaton:

Yes, thank you. What I take from that is that the comparison thing, it's silly because we are so unique and different, but it's good to glean from one another, but the comparison doesn't even make sense because Like it's so different and you're talking about tons of personalities and tons of different purposes and priorities and families. And I love that you just said that you can just do your own thing and that it does work out. The principle there that you were talking about was like mentorship and even one on one or somehow having a support system. What's the role of of a homeschooled dad in that?

Janeen Alley:

That's a great question. My husband was super supportive of things. And he just, took the position of let's make this work. If this is something that you feel, you're being inspired to do, let's figure out a way to make this work. And so I think just that support, my husband is a very loving, very involved dad, but he oftentimes just lets me take the lead for things. And so that's the way that our relationship works. However, I've seen so many ways also to be an engaged dad in homeschooling. And so again, you want to play to your strengths and figuring out how can I be supportive of my but also how can I be involved in that same Advice applies. I think just feeling out, like what brings you joy? What are the things that you love? And then following that.

Timmy Eaton:

Yeah. Cause what works in one family it's not how another family rolls. And so it is hard to like, try to impose a value on another family, even though we might share some, like they are unique. Like one thing that I always do when I'm working with a family is yeah. Is that we will, we'll try to create a purpose statement. And I think that's really valuable because, and it doesn't have to be, it's, I always call it a living documents that it can evolve and can be enhanced and change over time, especially as we enter different stages of the homeschooling journey, but like for me to say, Oh, I love that family does it. That's fine. But if it doesn't match my family's purposes and priorities, then it's just awkward and it doesn't actually flow. And so you can't impose on another family. You can suggest things if it's sought out and you can try to guide and mentor. But the reality is you and your family are going to do it your way. And like you said, there's lots of ways that work, whatever work means. And so what would that mean for you guys? What would you guys say, you and your husband, is the main purpose of education for your children, especially now that you've seen, several, experienced homeschooling and are on their own now, what was the main purpose of education and living during those years?

Janeen Alley:

Yeah I think the main purpose of education is figuring out how you can serve, like how you can develop your own sense of purpose and giving in society, because that is ultimately what brings us joy having a sense of purpose is what brings meaning to our life. It brings joy to what it is that we're doing. And I think that we really need to connect to ourselves, again, to figure out. What it is that we love and what it is that we want to be doing, not what we should be doing or any of those, the cultural messages that we get inundated with. But what it is that brings us joy and how we can, bloom our planet, I guess. And that was I think for, My husband and my relationship, this was something that he has recognized since we've been married. I'm always creating something that I can share or teach or do because that's what I've loved even before we had children. And creating a space for that before I homeschool was already something that was there. I'd taught nutrition and wellness classes. I was a personal trainer and a fitness instructor at the gym. And so I just was really involved in that space. I had created a six week class to teach on base before that, while we lived in Japan, before we moved to Germany and started homeschooling. And And he was really supportive through all of that and noticing the changes that people were making, you're coming to the class and all of that stuff. So he was already on board with that part of it. And so when my vision kind of expanded and, you know, when I was thinking, I need to teach my children how to do this and why this is important to me, he was all on board with that, but. One of the things that my husband struggles with and struggled with, definitely more when we started even though he's a dentist, he has higher education. He's like, I am not a very fast reader. And that was something that he really struggled with I can't give this part to my children, the part that I wish I could. And I just had to tell him don't worry about that. He is a very patient person among other traits and he taught our children to ski the first day. I didn't tell you the story. It's just so you can have an idea of how he is and how he rolls and who he is as a person. But he took our three youngest up to the mountain to ski.

Timmy Eaton:

This is in Germany?

Janeen Alley:

This was actually here.

Timmy Eaton:

Oh, okay.

Janeen Alley:

This was one of the first years that we were here and, he took three children, I wasn't there on the one who knows how to ski and he skied a little bit in high school, but it was on these tiny little mini skis. So he wasn't used to the bigger ski. So he's okay, how hard can it be? He's an athletic guy. And so anyway, he took the kids up and. 30 feet down the mountain. Everybody's crying. He's even crying. He's this is not gonna work. And he's got two miles to go. He took this route down the Hill. So he would ski down with one kid, 20 feet. And then he'd climb back up and grab another kid and take him down. They can look back and laugh, but he was. So patient. Even though he was crying, it was just more out of just what have I done? And all of these kids are not having the best time ever. He thought he'd ruined skiing for him. And anyway, but he was able to just be loving and patient and just impart those kinds of characteristics into our children and show them. This is how to be when things are really challenging, and that, I think also played a big part into my thought process in education. You can't teach your kids everything, right? Your brain is always going to be able to find holes in education. Whether they go to school, of course, with like traditional school or they're homeschooled. But the thing that was really important to me was there are specific values, there are specific characteristics and things that I want to impart on my children, and I want them home with me in order to be able to do that. And I don't think that I would have been able to do that to the same extent or to the degree that we were able to. Without that time, that pocket of time that we had together. And

Timmy Eaton:

that's what I say that often too. Like it's true that it's not homeschooling has a corner on all like effective teaching, but the amount of time does increase the likelihood of that relationship and those teaching moments. It's not really worth much to get into the what's better or what's worse, but just like the facts are, there's more time, there's more time spent together which also means less time reprogramming when your kids come home and that kind of stuff. Everyone's in a different situation. This might be hard to do, but can you describe like a typical day when you were in Germany and then how that evolved and a typical day when you got back home in the States? What was a typical day like, what's a homeschool day like in the Alley family?

Janeen Alley:

I feel like I need to share this part of my story. So when I mentioned that I really had to prioritize my fitness and my wellness my mental health, emotional health, while I was in Germany and the way that I did that, and a lot of people are going to think this is pretty extreme, but what I did was I signed up for a half Ironman triathlon and in order to complete an event like that, there's 11 workouts that you need to do during the week. So a lot of days that you have double days, so you're either biking and running on 1 day or swimming and biking. And so I was determined to finish this event. I didn't need to be first. I just needed to cross the finish line. And so I knew that I really couldn't be slacking not only for to reach the goal of finishing, but also for my mental health. I knew if I got up and got to the pool before my kids woke up, I could get in my swim workouts. And so that's what I did. I worked out first and then we had our homeschool time block. So we, we did breakfast and stuff between my workout and then my time block. And then I would usually go for a bike ride or a run during lunchtime. And then in the afternoon we would go to the library or the kids had their swimming lessons or their sports activities and things like that. And then come home, do dinner prep. And then we would usually read. Together. And that was always evolving. It's always changing. But my favorite things are simplification and time blocking. So time blocking is your ability to set aside the time and say, okay, this is the homeschool time block between 830 in the morning and 1130 in the morning. And then you're doing what you can in that period of time where you're just focused on your kids. You're helping them, follow their plan or whatever that looks like. We would also do a family book during that time too. So some of those things were together. Some of those things were, them working on things individually and then eliminating all the. Anything that's going to detract from your plan and so Having those two really big goals homeschooling my kids and training for that event You have to block helps me to eliminate anything that was Extra. And I was still active in my church community, but I had to communicate and say, okay, if I'm in this meeting, it needs to be 60 minutes. And at the end of 60 minutes, I was packing up my stuff and I was leaving because I'm. Somebody who just I knew I needed my sleep because if I didn't get my exercise in then my mental and emotional health suffered and I knew what it felt like to be in a dark place. I didn't ever want to go back there again. So I. I was really careful about holding myself to that. And I would say I am not naturally a very organized person but because of circumstances compelled that,

Timmy Eaton:

yeah, I

Janeen Alley:

just, I needed to do that. I knew what it was, what I felt like when I wasn't that way and I was really distracted and chaotic. And so it just helped me to hold myself to that. And the simplification piece. Helps me a ton because otherwise I'm just like everybody else. And I'm like squirrel, you know, over here wasting 30 minutes doing something that is not in alignment with my goals and the way that I want my life to be.

Timmy Eaton:

Though I, that's so important. Like the idea of did you, what did you do? Call it time blocking.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah.

Timmy Eaton:

Yeah. Like that to me is so good. And because that's one of the hardest parts sometimes about for a homeschool mother is that like, when, if you're near neighbors or your family, they think you're homeschooling so that you're just available. And what, that's something that we had to realize. When our kids were probably, I guess our oldest would have been like 14 or 15. And I remember coming home and my wife being frustrated. We live fairly close to some of her family. And it was like, awesome, to see them and stuff like that. But they had to understand no, no, like we're actually like, we're rocking during that time. And you can't really interrupt it. But on the other hand, it is nice to have the flexibility. to adjust. But but you have to be true to your personality. Like you said, like you knew no, no, no. And it wasn't that you weren't taking your church responsibility serious, but you knew yourself. And and I guess that's, what's led to what you do right now. With helping women.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I find that most homeschooling families are religious, but regardless of your convictions, I'm going to share an example here. I had a job. in my church congregation and I go to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. And so my job at the time was in the women's organization and I was in charge of the monthly activity that we have. And the woman who had this job before me, and this is all volunteer, but the woman who had the job before me, she just had a very different personality than I did. And and I think that people, they adapt to whoever's there. Yeah, exactly. I had stopped going to the monthly meetings because they said that they'd start at seven and things, people would trickle in, there was the social time and the event didn't actually start until seven 30 and then there was a dinner and then there was five activities. And I, things are still happening at, past 10 o'clock at night. And I just, because the church building was so far away, it was, 30 minutes away. And was this

Timmy Eaton:

in Germany? Sorry. Or

Janeen Alley:

yeah. So our congregation was in the Netherlands, but even my traveling back, Germany is so environmentally conscious that they don't keep their lights on past a certain time at night. So I'd be driving home on the other side of the border to my home in Germany and it's pitch black and I would be worried that my car was

Timmy Eaton:

out

Janeen Alley:

there, so I'm like. I can't go anymore. So when I was asked to do this job and take over for the woman,

Timmy Eaton:

you were changing things.

Janeen Alley:

I was changing things. So I was like, okay, this is how this is going to roll. I'm starting at seven, regardless if anyone's here, we're not doing dinner. There's going to be a spiritually compact activity and I'm locking the church at eight 30 at night. That is how this is going to go. And I remember talking to Our Bishop at the time he was asking me to do this job. And I'm like, that if I'm in this position, the boat, I'm going to really rock the boat. And he just told me, he's I feel like the boat needs to be rocked. So I just had to really embrace my style of doing things. And it was a little bit clunky and a little bit awkward because I wasn't used to saying no. It was one of the reasons why I had gotten myself into the place that I was in mentally and emotionally is because I was such a yes man. Before I just say yes to everything that came my way, cause I'm a very capable person. However, I had to learn how to set up those boundaries for myself so that I was like, listen this has to be a no. And like I said, I felt like a bull in a China shop. It wasn't very pretty at first, but I learned over time to be more kind and gracious in the way that I said no, but as homeschooling parents, we really have to protect our time, not just our time to homeschool, but also our downtime, which we don't often see the value in, but there is time in just relaxing and enjoying the fruits of your labors, just being with your family without feeling like you have to rush to the next thing. And I think culturally, We don't see the value in doing that. But after I said, working in the health and fitness space, working with women, this is something that is so often overlooked and so needed is just the ability to just relax and enjoy.

Timmy Eaton:

And like you said, to say no, actually which is hard for us because we want to, like you said, serve have you ever read the book essentialism by Greg McEwen? Oh

Janeen Alley:

yeah. That's one of my favorites. Okay.

Timmy Eaton:

Like I was going to say, because those principles are, they're needed and they're not just needed. I think that's typically in the business context, that book, but like it really has application to every aspect of our lives. And so I might put that in the notes because I think that is so good for any homeschool family for any family really. But yeah. But and especially as a homeschool mother, like the fact is you and people don't understand that unless they've lived it, what a homeschool mother is actually doing and the commitment that she's making. And I know that every mom is on the spectrum of, busyness and how they do it. But, just think about it. Like you are taking on the responsibility of the education of your children and those are skills to learn, like what to take on and what to take off. And and like you said, I love the word simplify. I love the word reduce. And I think that's what it saves families. It's it's great.

Janeen Alley:

Just a little plug for essentialism. This is one of my favorite books. And before I started coaching on self trust, I was a productivity coach. And this was a book that really. made such an impact and such a difference in my life and the things that I was doing. So one of the things that, Greg McKeown points out in his book is that you want to get really clear, like crystal clear on what your priorities are. You want to get really clear on what your yeses are so that you're clear on what your goals are. Nos are as

Timmy Eaton:

no. And he says, if you're, if it's not a heck yes, then it is a no.

Janeen Alley:

It's, it is a no And when I talk to women about this and getting clear on what their priorities are, they usually tell me things like, oh, I just really wanna be a good mom, or I wanna have more energy. And those things are so vague. So when you're thinking about what you want your life to look like as a homeschooling parent. You want to paint a picture in writing that is so clear that if somebody else reads it, they know exactly what your life looks like. No questions. So for me, when I was doing these exercises for myself, I'm like, I want to be able to breathe. I want to be able to sit down at night and just relax with my family and play games or read stories. And those were the kind of the things that I had to have the vision for, which meant I had to have the words to describe it. So slow yourself down. If you're listening to this and you're just like, yeah, I feel like I'm all over the place with this, slow yourself down and do this exercise so that you're really clear on what your priorities look like

Timmy Eaton:

or what

Janeen Alley:

your priorities are and then what your priorities look like for you in your life. And so that you can paint those pictures for yourself. So you know, if you're on target with those things or not.

Timmy Eaton:

And I think sometimes it does require the help of somebody because we've gotten by with vague stuff and it can be helpful to have somebody who has you articulate it so clearly. And some might say that's so picky pants, but no, it's actually really good. Cause it, it'll bless you to go. No, these are the things that we really value. These are our priorities because then when things pop up, you can say, does that match our priority? And then you are able to say, actually. That isn't something that we want to invest our time in and it helps you even in maintain like your standards and like your values as a family and it's hard. I'm not going to say it's easy like an example that I think of when it comes to these things is the use of tech with our children and how we have navigated doing sports and that's been a tough thing because both my wife and I did sports and we value it. It's it's become a difficult thing because we didn't have a very clear value from the get go. My wife probably had it more clear than I did. And so I don't know that I've been that helpful. And then the same thing with tech, like if you're like waffling about when is the right age for my kid to have a phone and. When is social media appropriate and how much, and I just learned that when that stuff isn't clear, then you are inviting really annoying stuff. And I don't know how else to say it. And so I love that principle that you're teaching.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. And you're just also setting yourself up to be in that space where you're waffling, which zaps so much of your energy and time. Yeah. Because you're not really clear. So you're like maybe, you go back and forth in your head, instead of just being like, actually, that's a no, because it's, and it's tough because

Timmy Eaton:

we don't operate from a a place of fixed principles, like a, like deity. And so it's, it can be tough but you're right. It's worth the time to do that. I love how all of this ties into what you do, because people could use your help or somebody like you, because it really is hard when you're like, when you were starting out, what did you do? You went to your friend and then we led to, is it Angela Baker? But the question I had was like what would you say to new homeschoolers now? Cause we've seen that it's growing. Exponentially in the United States and Canada, and tons of people are starting. There's so much curriculum. People are overwhelmed. What's your counsel to new families with your experience and with what you've seen and your emphasis on self care, but what would you tell new families when they start the journey and they're feeling a little bit overwhelmed and not totally sure what to do.

Janeen Alley:

I think people. I don't want to get overwhelmed easily in this space, like you said, because there's so much information out there. So I think the key thing is to turn inward. And to ask helpful questions what do I want this to look like? And what are my values in this process of homeschooling and getting really clear on that? And that clarity is going to help you to answer a lot of the other questions that you might have with what curriculum to use, what groups to join. I, how do you get support for yourself, whether it's time by yourself or getting help with a mentor or. And, a group or something like that getting really clear on what that looks like is going to help you answer a lot of that, those questions. And that really is that self trust piece is like, what is the inspiration that's coming through for me, for my children? Because your children are different from everybody else's children. How do you move forward with this? What seems like a behemoth project to do is to really simplify, a lot of that with just getting really clear on the vision for yourself and then simplify the processes that you have. Don't feel like you've got to spend eight hours a day Homeschooling your kids. You want to set the time aside, let them know this is when I'm available for this. This is what we do. This is the structure for our family. And then let them play and let them go out and test things out and try things out and learn things on their own. And then you can have that time for yourself to do things that are similar.

Timmy Eaton:

Excellent. And thank you. I appreciate that. One of the, one of the things I feel like that is so helpful. It's what you said when you heard I think it was Angela or your friend say, you're not going to be awesome at everything. And it's just kind of like disarmed you. And I feel like that's a huge thing for homeschool families, homeschool mothers in particular, and especially those who have maybe special needs in their household or whatever the case may be. So I think it's helpful to hear what people have experienced as far as challenges. Can you think of anything because, you've talked already about just that we have to take as a homeschool parent, you need to take time for self care because how can you help others if you're not helping yourself, which is very clear. But are there any other challenges that you guys faced that you guys were able to navigate that could be helpful to somebody else who's man, I'm glad to hear somebody else has gone through that because I think that is what really helps people go, okay, this does work out, but do any come to mind? I know that's a hard thing to maybe recall but what, what really challenged you and your family beyond what you did for yourself?

Janeen Alley:

I think one of the biggest challenges that I faced was, the expectations that I had for my children and how I was trying to force them to conform to my vision of things instead of letting that be more of an organic. And more time with that. I felt like it needed to happen right now. And so the thing that really helped me with this was learning how to take care of my nervous system, actually. And that's one of the reasons why I teach yoga is because I would move into that space of, crazy and trying to control. My kids. And that wasn't helpful. And I thought for a long time, like my oldest and I, he has a very similar personality to mine. And so we butt heads a lot when he was, 10 and 11 years old.

Timmy Eaton:

I

Janeen Alley:

ended up taking him to a child psychologist and she spent all of her time talking to me because she's like, I can see this mom. It's super strung out. And I've shared some stories where I'm somebody that like really loves to take the bull by the horns and just run with things and go with things. And that can be a strength. It can also be a really big weakness because I didn't know how to slow down. I didn't know how to just let things unfold and let things be more of a journey instead of, an arbitrary deadline that I had set for myself that. Didn't mean anything to anybody but me. And then I, go crazy.

Timmy Eaton:

Can you give a specific example of that? Cause I think we can relate to what you're expressing. What would be like a specific example of something that you wanted to hold the line on that at the end of the day, you're, you probably realized wasn't necessarily worth it yeah,

Janeen Alley:

totally. Just like regular kid behavior, my kids fighting or them not wanting to do. You know what? I felt like we needed to be doing like math or things like that. I would get my knickers in a twist about things like that. My, my second child, Lucy is, so I have Thomas first and then Lucy second and they're 22 months apart. So pretty close in age. And Thomas was the kind of kid where I could explain something halfway. And he's like, all right, got it, mom. And he would run with it and do it. Things didn't come like that she was more of what I would call like Regular, I like more like me, where it would take several times and she'd have to practice a bunch, just regular kid, learning. And, but she would get so frustrated because she'd see her brother, excelling at math in particular. And so she's Nope, not doing it. I'm not doing math. I'm not doing piano. I'm not doing soccer. I'm not doing anything that he likes. And I just tried so many different avenues to try to get her to like math. And, I would, it was more like. I'd start out and I'm like, okay, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling patient. We're going to try some math today. And then I'd get myself all spun up into Oh, we're going to do this, and just be really anxious about it, and that didn't help our relationship at all. And this is the thing. I mean, I don't think she started doing her multiplication tables until she was around the eighth grade age. Anything math related, she just absolutely Refused. rebelled against.

Timmy Eaton:

There's something cool about that audacity. I like that. I

Janeen Alley:

know. She's somebody who can totally dig her heels in. I am not doing this, right? Yeah. The thing that I realized was like, I just need to relax. I am clear that this is our path. I felt that inspiration come through as a parent. So I knew that this was the path. And I just had to trust that everything was going to work out okay for her. Even if she, didn't do what we would think is like the traditional path of going to college and doing these other things, that would be okay. She's going to be okay. She's going to find her place in the world. My most important job right now is just to soften into this experience with her so that she feels like when she's ready, she can take off with it and run with it. But, you Anyway, she's going to end up getting a PhD in psychology. She's a bright girl, she's going to be fine, but that part for me was just, it was so hard. And so I started meditating, to help with the depression, the anxiety that I was experiencing, breathing exercises, meditating yoga towards the second half of our journey experience. And that has paid off end of it. I will tell you, I was the kind of meditator that I'd sit down. I'm like, okay, 20 minutes on the breathing, two and a half minutes in, I'm like looking at my clock and I'm like, are you kidding me? I've only been here for two and a half minutes. That was how I started, but. Learning how to do that and staying patient, even with that process, has paid off so much. I know when Thomas was in high school, he was taking a psychology class, and he came to me one day and he's like, mom, he's like, listen, I'm learning about these four different styles of parenting and you used to be more of this, like militant, strict and like dictator and he's and now he said, you're more of this other kind of parent where you listen and it's more of a back and forth. For him to be able to see that change in me. was just such a parent payday and it was because of that journey that I took. So I just am sharing this. If you're out there and you're listening to this and you're in that space of just, towing the line between. Wanting to guide and inspire your children and at the same time getting frustrated with them sometimes, turn inward. What are the things that you need to be doing to help you soften into and relaxing into more of the journey of the experience instead of meeting specific milestones in the dates where you, we have been culturally conditioned to expect.

Timmy Eaton:

That is so good and so needed. And I would just say, I'm similar to you when you were just talking about like the breathing thing, I think that people of faith might struggle to, to incorporate that. Cause they roll their eyes a little bit at it. And I get that. I understand why it's not culturally embedded in their style, but I just feel like we should be open to other things and. And you use some things that have been around forever that are, have been effective and not be closed. Fine. If it's not your deal, then you don't have to choose to do it. But like to be open to like ways to help ourselves. And then the other thing, I don't mean to extend this longer, but you were talking about like how, You would get that transition that you, that your son noticed in you as a mom and as a parent and as a homeschool mom it specifically with like subject, like you're talking about your daughter in math. What about applying that same principle to like things that, that were of a, Standards or a moral concern for parents, for example, if she was dressing a certain way that you didn't like, and you wanted to control that, does the same principle apply to those things as well? Not just academics or behaviors.

Janeen Alley:

A hundred percent. We, the, and this, I was actually just talking to my husband about this yesterday. It's so important for our kids to learn how to be. in the world based off of how they're feeling instead of being told. And this is again, that difference between teaching your kids self trust and how to learn and being more autonomous in that way instead of just being either smart or not. So, um, you know, There's food fed curriculum, or being told this is the way to do things and we guide and we can share this is why this is a value or this is why this is important and then we have to let them test and they're not always going to make choices that we would make and that's okay. I am somebody who I have to test things out. I am a kinetic learner. And so I'm always like, okay. Show me with my hands or, and I know just, on the modesty example that you shared, I know I have gone out and lived in the world and something that I wasn't comfortable in. And then I came home and I'm like, nope, that's going in the giveaway box. That's not something that I feel good about doing. And that's hard. I literally have chewed on my tongue. But if you didn't, but if you didn't have

Timmy Eaton:

the space to do that on your own and somebody was always, you may have not have come to that on your own. And that's hard to the parent. Cause you want to say. Yeah, I know I taught you, and I know you made a decision, but I disagree with your decision, so I'm stepping in again and that's the hardest part of parenting, because you want to step in and go, Yep, I taught you, and you didn't listen, and I'm going to teach you again. And you really do have to give space.

Janeen Alley:

There's always room for the dialogue, but you want to be thinking, okay, am I coming at this from a place of judgment? Or am I coming at this conversation from a place of unconditional love? And there, I will tell you more often than not, I'm coming at those conversations from a place of judgment. And I just need to wait until I feel like, okay, now is the time. And those opportunities are few and far between. We want to, they're like the golden nuggets, right? With relationships with our kids. We want to embrace those and take advantage of those things, but we don't want to try and create. That when it's not the right time because what happens is we end up forcing something that's not.

Timmy Eaton:

Yeah,

Janeen Alley:

it's not going to end up as a good conversation in the end.

Timmy Eaton:

Oh, man, that is so good. And I just, thank you. I think, thank you for taking so much time. I just want to, I just want to say that this has been Janine Alley, everybody, and I would just highly recommend everybody go to her website, janinealley. com. Cause I just think you offer something that could be very helpful to my audience. And I think people do need some direction. I think I used to roll my eyes at the idea of like coaches for everything, like I, but now I see that it's the way things are going because it's valuable and people are helping people take steps towards, like you said, more joy because they're taking control of aspects of their lives and it's more enriching. I'll give you the last word and then we'll close down.

Janeen Alley:

Yeah. Thank you. I just, I think there's so much to learn just in the space with your children. Don't forget that you're also learning right along with them and learning how to offer yourself grace in that space is going to help you to offer your children grace as they learn and grow and become the people that they are meant to be.

Timmy Eaton:

Excellent. Thank you so much, Janine Alley for being with us and hope you have a beautiful day.

Janeen Alley:

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Timmy Eaton:

That wraps up another edition of This Golden Hour podcast. If you haven't done so already, I would totally appreciate it if you would take a minute and give us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps out a lot. And if you've done that already, thank you much. Please consider sharing this show with friends and family members that you think would get something out of it. And thank you for listening and for your support. I'm your host, Tim Eaton. Until next time, remember to cherish this golden hour with your children and family.